Day 233 (Infant Baptism)

My Christian Education professor told us a really cute story today. She was helping with a baptism of a toddler named Nancy on Easter Sunday. Usually, Lutherans baptize children as infants, but there was some visa problem with getting the girl's grandmothers over and they had finally managed to get one grandmother to the United States, so they decided to go ahead with the baptism.

So the pastor was holding Nancy, which was already a problem, because Nancy the toddler, as the professor put it, "Was on the go."

The pastor poured a scoop of water on Nancy's head saying, "I baptize you in the name of the Father," and Nancy looked up at her with a surprised expression that said, "Why are you pouring water on me?"

The pastor got another scoop of water and poured it on Nancy's head saying, "The Son," and Nancy made an indignant, "Ah!" sound. Everyone had to hold in a chuckle.

The pastor had to do one more scoop to finish the baptism. She she poured it on Nancy's head saying, "And the Holy Spirit," and Nancy pulled in a breath and scrunched up her face, about to cry. But, she decided not to. The pastor looked down at her and smiled and said, "You're very brave."

Hopefully, I'l get to experience moments like this when I'm a pastor.

Day 232 (The List)

I've been talking to Tom a lot lately about relationships. While the thought is not new to me, these conversations have brought to light once again that I would like to not be single anymore. 30 years is long enough. So, I the hopes that "just putting it out there" might have some effect on the universe/God/karma/social networks/whatever, here is my list of criteria that I am looking for in an ideal mate. Yes, I understand that we are not supposed to make lists, but I most of these are "deal-breakers" and the rest I figure I just need if I'm going to be happy in the relationship. I tried to order these from most important to least, but really, I think a guy would have to qualify in every area for a relationship to work. So, without further ado, The List!

1) He must be gay.

This one should be obvious, but I feel it must be stated. I do not need, nor do I want to deal with the drama of some guy who is in an "experimental" stage of his life or who is so deep in the closet that when someone opens the door, it's like staring at the lights of an on-coming train from the opposite end of a mountain tunnel. I need a man who knows who he is and what he wants.

2) Emotionally stable.

Similar reasoning to the first point. I just don't need the drama and I'm not looking for a "fixer-upper." I've dealt with enough crazy in my life and I just don't need it that close to me. Part of being emotionally stable means no drug or alcohol abuse. He can drink, as long as he's not getting drunk all the time or doing crazy things like flying off the handle or driving while intoxicated. Basically, I need someone that's not crazy.

3) Monogamy

I'm old-school. Nuff said.

4) Above average emotional IQ

This is important for relationships. He has to understand his own emotions and be able to articulate them as well as be able to read the emotions of others with some reasonable degree of competence. I don't need a psych major here, just someone who knows if he's being an ass and is thus able to stop whatever it is that is pissing off the people around him.

5) Sweetness/kindness/compassion

Yeah, not really looking for the "bad boy." I couldn't think of a single word for this quality, but I think you get the idea. These five things are probably the most important things that I'm looking for.

6) No tobacco use

I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke. Maybe it's because it was just never around me when I was a child. Also, my uncle died from smoking. Chewing isn't as bad, but it's still gross. Bottom line, I don't want to kiss him and taste any of that and I certainly don't want to fall in love with someone who is killing himself so that I have to watch him die a slow and painful death from cancer later on.

7) A sense of humor

Hopefully the guy I end up with will make me laugh. He doesn't have to be a comedian, but he shouldn't take himself too seriously. I've been thinking about all of the people that I hang out with, and it honestly doesn't take a lot to get me to crack a smile. I just want him to be someone that I can have fun with.

8) Above average intelligence

I need to be able to talk to the guy. I am not saying this to be full of myself because I do not consider myself to be a genius or anything, but I'm pretty sure I am of above average intelligence. I'm going to be dealing with some pretty intellectual stuff as a pastor and I hope that the guy that ends up being my significant other will be able to understand at least a little bit of what I do.

9) Age range: 25-40

This is probably the one that I'm the most flexible on, but I figure I should be at least someone close in age to him.

So, that's the list. If you know anyone that fits all of these qualification, please, please, please send him my way. If he needs to know about me, there is of course this blog and I like to think that I also fit the qualifications on my own list. It's out there now. God/universe/karma/social network, do your stuff!

Day 231 (Happy Easter!)

Gonna keep it short today because I have been sitting in front of a computer screen for WAY too many hours today. I just finished my Prophets paper and am looking forward to turning off my computer for the night. I started it around noon today, and because of my natural tendency to prefer distractions to homework, took me until about 9:00 pm. Now, I just have to finish my Theology reading, O_o.

I went to my Baptist church this morning, hoping for some kind of special Easter service, especially since I haven't been there in almost a month. It was pretty much the same-old, same-old. I was also kind of disappointed in the sermon because it was mostly an apologetic on how Jesus actually did raise from the dead. I spent most of it wondering why he was trying to prove to a bunch of people sitting in church that Jesus' resurrection wasn't faked. I came to the conclusion that should we encounter a non-believer asking for proof, then we would have some kind of answer for them, but I was always taught that you could never prove the events of the Bible. Doesn't the ability to believe come from God? Maybe it's a Baptist thing.

I've been eating peepshi to sustain myself through the paper-writing process and I think it's high time for some real food. Happy Easter everybody!!!

Day 230 (Peepshi)

One of my facebook buddies posted a hilarious link for "peepshi" the other day, and I thought this would be a wonderful activity for Easter. Peepshi is, of course, sushi made with peeps. Because the flavor profiles of seaweed, soy sauce and wasabi does not really go very well with peeps, the instructions call for Rice Krispies Treats instead of rice and Fruit Roll-Ups instead of sheets of seaweed. It goes on to say that peeps are "sassy enough on their own," and do not require substitutes for wasabi and/or ginger. I think pre-packaged Rice Krispies Treats are foul, so I made some from scratch. I don't really understand the concept of buying something prepackaged that takes literally 5 minutes to make and tastes much, much, much better when homemade.

Anyway, the results are in the picture above. There's something incredibly sick, twisted and wrong, yet immensely satisfying about mutilating peeps to make sushi. Until next time, may all of your cooking adventures be soft, sticky, sweet and unnaturally colored. Happy Easter!

Day 229 (Spring Break)

The Internet connection at Holy Grounds is obviously unreliable, hence this post being 14 hours late. All I was going to say is that we need to petition for a 2-week spring break. I week just doesn't cut it. I spent all of last week recovering from the previous week and trying to get back into the swing of things. Hopefully next week will be better O_o

Day 228 (The Marien Revelation)

I was contacted a few weeks ago about doing a book review on my blog. I was quite flattered that someone thought my blog was significant enough to warrant doing a book review, and I was intrigued by what I was told about the premise of the book. Apparently, the book was about the possibility of Jesus being gay. This bothered me a little bit, because my Puritan-influenced “American” upbringing had always portrayed Jesus as a sexless being. I’m not sure why Americans are so prude, but for the most part, we don’t want to think about Jesus having sex, gay or otherwise.

Still, I like to think that I know better than to judge a book by its cover, so I agreed to do it. That, and like I said, I was quite flattered to be asked to do such a thing. That book review was supposed to be done by today. I’ve been reading the book slowly over the past few weeks, and to be completely honest, I did not like it. For several reasons that I will explain later, it was not an easy book to read, and my only motivation for finishing it was the aforementioned book review.

My first issue with the book was the multitude of explicitly described sex acts. (Remember, American = Prude.) The first time it happened, I was quite surprised at the author’s boldness and seemingly shamelessness in writing what he described. I didn’t think too much of it at first because I did not expect to have to read such things every five or so pages. It just wasn’t something I was expecting to have to read about in a book about Jesus. Oh, and it wasn’t necessarily Jesus having the sex, which to be honest was surprising given the angle with which the book was presented to me.

My second problem with the book was the seeming disregard of biblical scholarship when it came to the historicity of the Jesus story. I understand that the main tool we have in understand who and what Jesus was is the Bible, which is obviously a heavily biased document, but this HAS to be more accurate than just making up some crazy story willy nilly about what MIGHT have happened. The author seems to think that the Jews of the time were pluralistic people that lied and murdered to perpetuate the myths surrounding their supposed faith. I go to a very liberal school and to think that anything of what happened in the book could have actually happened in history is completely absurd to me. The only people who will think that anything described in the book with regards to the historical Jesus is even remotely possible are people who already don’t care about Biblical scholarship in the first place. This book will not be taken seriously by anyone who actually cares about facts or is SERIOUSLY interested in Christian theology. Anyone trying to debunk Christianity or who has no serious interest in Christianity will likely have no problem with this book, but as they say, this book preaches to the choir.

My third problem with the book is strictly literary. The author jumps back and forth in time, which I normally appreciate because I’m not a huge fan of strictly linear story-telling, but the time jumps as frantic and unclear and the reader is often left wondering where on the timeline he or she actually is. Obviously, this makes it difficult to follow the storyline, much less keep up with the author’s twisted theology. There are also frequent jumps between the third person, second person and first person. These jumps in viewpoint seemed to be the author’s attempt to get the reader to sympathize with the various characters, but as with the jumps in time, only served to confuse what was actually happening.

Would I recommend this book to anyone? No, but it is a curiosity indeed, and if anyone is curious about what an alternate-world Christianity might look like, then this book certainly presents that. Will it convince anyone of it’s premises that isn’t already on that bent? I doubt it, but if you want to be able to understand where such a person is coming from, then this may be the book for you. The Marien Revelation was a strange and perverted ride, and while I’m usually a fan of roller coasters, this is certainly a ride where I’ll be covering my mouth with one hand and raising the other.

Day 227 (Rude People)

I read this and it just made me sick. Some people have decided to picket at any military funeral that they can get to holding signs with anti-gay slogans, claiming that soldiers' deaths are God's way of punishing us for accepting gay people. It is truly disturbing how evil some people can be.

Dad of Fallen Marine Perseveres Against Protests at Military Funerals