Friday, December 24, 2010

You've got mail

One of the problems that I tend to have when I'm on vacation is that I have a hard time going to bed at a "normal" hour. So, since I've been meaning to blog for a while and I can't sleep, even though it's almost 5 in the morning, I decided to go ahead and write about what's been on my mind for the past few weeks.

This post is about the last blog that I wrote, which was basically a copying and pasting of two letters. The first was a response that someone wrote to me regarding the letter that I wrote to my church and my presbytery to explain to them how I felt about the decisions that they made and to let them know that I was leaving the PCUSA. The second was my response back to that person.

Well, that person wrote back to me pretty quick. That was about 2 weeks ago now. The reply has been sitting in my email this whole time and I've been too afraid to look at it. So many people have hurt me in the last few months, people that were supposed to care about me, that I did not want to risk any more emotional damage, especially at the end of the semester and certainly not right before the holidays. I've been dealing with a lot of crap lately, and I for the time being, I felt that I could push off reading the letter until after the holidays, or at least until after Christmas.

In the meantime, I also got a reply from the presbytery. Since I wasn't going to read the first email, I decided to hold off on reading that one as well.

So, they've been sitting in my inbox this whole time, and I can't stop thinking about them. I probably shouldn't let a couple of emails have this kind of power over me, especially since I haven't even read them yet, but I have read a lot of really hurtful and hateful things in the past couple of weeks, and I feel like I need to limit my exposure. I guess it's kind of like how you should only eat a certain about of tuna per week 'cuz of the mercury? Yes, evil words really are like poison, and the poison doesn't even taste good.

I'll let you all know when I read the letters. I'm not sure exactly when I'm gonna read them, but I'm assuming it won't be too long from now.

In the meantime, happy holidays and I hope you are all surrounded by grace, joy and love. In spite of what's been going on, my friends and family have been really great and I love being around them. It's too bad school starts again in a week. Oh well. Merry Christmas!

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