Gay Guy in Seminary: Day 38 (The "Pretty" Side of the Call)

Started the day with a little bit of Lectio Devina. We actually did the prayer exercise instead of just a lecture, and it felt really good. I felt really connected to God while we were doing it.

Afterwards I had to go to Wells Fargo again because they can't seem to figure out how to stop stealing my money. I went ahead and deposited my student loan check...hopefully I won't live to regret the decision.

Went to Marin Coffee Roasters with Terra to study. Tom showed up and left, then Ian came. They have the best music there! Every time I'm in a coffee shop or restaurant, I'm always looking for elements that I can incorporate into the church I think I'm supposed to open someday. From this place, I definitely liked the music, although I've been collecting music for just this purpose for the last 3 or 4 years. They serve food there, but I didn't get anything to eat.

It's kind of annoying that they close at 6:00 pm.

So, here's the "pretty" part of my calling. I believe that I'm supposed to open a "cafe church." It will be both restaurant and church. During the week, we'll serve mainly the kind of drinks you'd find at a coffee shop, but I'm thinking about including wine. We'll also have pastries and really good food. I've been collecting recipes too. It'll have a stage for live music and spoken word, and Bible study groups will be able to meet there, as well as the youth group.

On Sunday, it will turn into a church. This part hasn't really solidified for me yet, but I'm leaning towards a really long service, maybe somewhere along the lines of 5 hours or more that people can sort of float in and out of, or even stay the whole time if they want. It'll be broken up with a fellowship lunch in the middle and will include things like group discussion and lectio devina. Different elements will happen at regular times so that if people really want to have praise music, they'll know to show up later in the afternoon, or if people are more interested in the sermon, they'll know to come around 10 am.

I want the place to kind of function as a community center, where people feel like its a home away from home. I want people to think of it as a place when they can come and relax for a few hours, have a blended mocha, eat some mac 'n cheese, and maybe play Apples to Apples with a few friends before hunkering down to do homework. I can see it so clearly, I know it's what God wants me to do. It'll be so different, people won't know what to make of it at first, but hopefully they'll come to equate church with community and togetherness and comfort.

So, this is my vision. Anyone interested?

Gay Guy in Seminary: Day 36 (Calling)

There's been a lot of talk recently about each of our callings, which is a strange Christian concept for those of you unfamiliar with it. It's even strange for us so-called insiders. Apparently, this is even strange for European Christians in general, as our Old Testament professor, who is from Switzerland, humorously tried to explain to us on the first day of class.

A calling, like the secular meaning of the word, is something that you feel like you are meant to do. Of course, when I use it, I mean something that God wants us to do. You can be called to do something right now, or you can be called to do something far in the unforeseeable future, to any point in between. Some people stress out about this because they think they're supposed to have all of the answers right now. Unfortunately, or fortunately as you may choose to see it, God doesn't work this way. People, including me, have a tendency to forget that God does things on his own time, not our time. We just have to have faith in him to take care of us. Of course, this reasoning isn't that comforting when you feel like God isn't giving you any direction. All I can say to those people is to continue to do the right thing and keep praying for direction. Mother Teresa never felt God at all for a very long time in the later part of her life. She described her faith as emptiness and darkness, yet she persevered. If she could retain her faith in God without being able to feel him, then those that are lucky enough to sense God's presence yet do not know what he wants them to do should remain faithful as well. Sometimes he shows us only a little bit of the path, other times the floodlight shows the whole thing. Still other times only parts of the path will be illuminated with the sections in between shrouded in darkness. Why he does this is his prerogative.

As for me, I do feel that I know what God wants me to do. That is why I spent 2 years at California Lutheran University to get my bachelors degree. That's why I'm at San Francisco Theological Seminary right now. That's why I'm writing this blog. The Presbyterian Church and the Christian Church as a whole has done incredible damage to itself and to the community at large with its stance against homosexuals. On top of that, most of the mainline denominations are in decline. There are many factors involved in this, but I believe that the churches' stance on gays also plays a role. As secular society marches forward in it's understanding of human sexuality, the church remains entrenched in its backwards mentality of hatred disguised as piety. This makes the church irrelevant in the eyes on many, least of which are those in or involved with the LGBT community. It is also tearing the church apart as those who choose to love their neighbors fight for the rights of those of us who are being oppressed. I don't know why God chose me for this fight, but he did. I don't know how large of a role I am supposed to play, only that I am supposed to play one. I don't think it was an accident that I was born in the 2nd most conservative presbytery in the country, and I don't think that it was an accident that my parents decided to raise me and my siblings in a Presbyterian church.

This is what I like to call the "ugly" side of my call. There is a prettier side that involves cappuccinos and cookies, but that's a post for another time. Good night all!