I spent 3 hours today making flash cards. 2 1/2 for Old Testament, 1/2 for Hebrew. Flash Cards. Do you know what happens to your brain after you spend 3 hours making flash cards. Things start to get really weird. I felt like I had been on a boat for a week and had just stepped onto land when I decided it was time to stop making flash cards so I could do the reading for Church History. Which I am in the middle of doing now. I feel like this is a test. To see if we have what it takes to be seminarians. I feel like I'm whining all the time, but seriously, I have time for nothing else except to read and study and survive.
Any time I do something recreational, I feel like I'm being bad. Like today, I stopped for 15 minutes to look at a new book I had gotten about spices. It had cool pictures of the plants and told about the history of the spices and the weird things that people used to, and sometimes still do, with them. I decided to do this after the flash cards before reading for Church History. I kept looking up at the clock and saying to myself, "Just 5 more minutes. I'll let myself look at this book for just 5 more minutes." Originally, I was going to allow myself a 10 minute break before going back to studying. 10 became 15. 15 became 20. I put the book down and then started to read. It started getting late, so I decided to blog.
I can't give up blogging. It's the only thing I have left. I've given up writing. I've given up recreational reading. I've given up painting. To be fair, I think I have allowed myself to watch 4 to 6 hours of TV/Movies per week; I can't be completely ascetic. I'm sure things will get more manageable in a few weeks once I get settled in, but I haven't even had any papers or serious exams come up yet, and that's going to start in a few weeks, so maybe everything will be a wash. Keep praying for me and all of my classmates all of you out there who are inclined to do so. We can really use it!