I have allowed myself to become very close to someone without fully realizing who that person was. I found out a few days ago that she does not believe gay people should be allowed to become ordained ministers. This came as a complete and total shock to me because everything about our friendship suggested that she fully accepted me as a human being and that we were in most respects equals.
I was completely stunned by this revelation and had to excuse myself from her presence. My initial reaction, understandably, was anger, but that was quickly replaced by confusion, numbness and hurt. Who was this person that I've spent much time with and what was she thinking about me in the back of her mind all of those times that we were together?
I was confused because my primary emotion was not anger, it was depression. I had many legitimate reasons for being angry, not the least of which was the fact that I felt I had been lied to for so long. But instead, I was just sad.
After talking with a lot of people about the emotional turmoil that I had been going through, I realized the reason I was feeling so depressed was that in a psychological sense, I was mourning the death of the person that I thought I knew and coming to grips with this new person that looked like the old person and had much of the same characteristics of the old person, but was not in fact the person that I thought I knew.
I believe that the friendship can be salvaged, but I will need time to heal, to mourn the loss. I know God will use this event for good.