Day 269 (Gerry)

I just got the movie Gerry in the mail. The reason I got this movie is because it is bad. It's not that it's not good. This movie is genuinely and truly, devastating, gut-wrenching, mind-boggling, vomit-inducing BAD! I'm going to come right out and say it is the worst movie ever. It is so bad, that I am also going to say it is a MUST SEE. People do not understand how bad a movie is until they see this movie, so it is vitally important that people see it. Of course, I always show it to people with an advisory that it will be the worst movie that they have ever seen. They don't believe me of course... until the movie starts. Ian was cursing at the screen within the first three minutes. (I'm talking actual swear words here, LOL.)

The basic story is that two guys go for a hike in the desert and then get lost. They get wondrously and gloriously lost and end up wandering around the desert without any food or water for about 4 days. Time is hard to keep track of in this film. (I'm being generous with the word "film") The "story" unfolds at an agonizingly slow pace, and the dialogue is inane and uninteresting. Nothing happens for literally five minutes at a time at multiple points in the movie, and the whole time, you're just waiting for the movie to actually start. You end up waiting until about the last 10 minutes of the movie. And lest that description give you hope, the ending is ultimately unsatisfying, the only take-away being that you have now seen the worst movie ever and can subject your loved ones to it if you are in the mood for a little torture.

We never find out the character's names because they have given each other the nickname Gerry. They also use this word as a verb meaning, "to make a mistake," or "to mess up." You can only discover this by watching the movie, unless of course someone explains it to you, and by then it is too late, and you realize that the title of the movie itself is "Gerry." I have often wondered if the movie is some kind of joke. It's a mistake, there's something wrong with it, and the only way to find out is to watch it and realize how bad it is and to add insult to injury, the people who made the damn thing told you how horrible it was by naming it Gerry, but the only way to know what that means is to watch the horrible movie!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*pant, pant, pant*

I did a little bit of research online, and the three reviews I read all said the movie was good. I have never heard of a real-life person liking this movie, so I guess it just goes to show that most movie reviewers are snobby blowhards that have no idea what real people like to watch.

I will now take this DVD with me on my road trip, put it in the middle of a salt flat somewhere, and walk away. That is the only fitting end that I can think of for this movie, and I encourage all of you to buy a copy, watch it...or try to anyway...and do the same. Someday, I hope to hear about the strange mounds of Gerry DVDs that have started appearing in salt flats across the United States.