I've been talking to Tom a lot lately about relationships. While the thought is not new to me, these conversations have brought to light once again that I would like to not be single anymore. 30 years is long enough. So, I the hopes that "just putting it out there" might have some effect on the universe/God/karma/social networks/whatever, here is my list of criteria that I am looking for in an ideal mate. Yes, I understand that we are not supposed to make lists, but I most of these are "deal-breakers" and the rest I figure I just need if I'm going to be happy in the relationship. I tried to order these from most important to least, but really, I think a guy would have to qualify in every area for a relationship to work. So, without further ado, The List!
1) He must be gay.
This one should be obvious, but I feel it must be stated. I do not need, nor do I want to deal with the drama of some guy who is in an "experimental" stage of his life or who is so deep in the closet that when someone opens the door, it's like staring at the lights of an on-coming train from the opposite end of a mountain tunnel. I need a man who knows who he is and what he wants.
2) Emotionally stable.
Similar reasoning to the first point. I just don't need the drama and I'm not looking for a "fixer-upper." I've dealt with enough crazy in my life and I just don't need it that close to me. Part of being emotionally stable means no drug or alcohol abuse. He can drink, as long as he's not getting drunk all the time or doing crazy things like flying off the handle or driving while intoxicated. Basically, I need someone that's not crazy.
I'm old-school. Nuff said.
4) Above average emotional IQ
This is important for relationships. He has to understand his own emotions and be able to articulate them as well as be able to read the emotions of others with some reasonable degree of competence. I don't need a psych major here, just someone who knows if he's being an ass and is thus able to stop whatever it is that is pissing off the people around him.
Yeah, not really looking for the "bad boy." I couldn't think of a single word for this quality, but I think you get the idea. These five things are probably the most important things that I'm looking for.
6) No tobacco use
I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke. Maybe it's because it was just never around me when I was a child. Also, my uncle died from smoking. Chewing isn't as bad, but it's still gross. Bottom line, I don't want to kiss him and taste any of that and I certainly don't want to fall in love with someone who is killing himself so that I have to watch him die a slow and painful death from cancer later on.
7) A sense of humor
Hopefully the guy I end up with will make me laugh. He doesn't have to be a comedian, but he shouldn't take himself too seriously. I've been thinking about all of the people that I hang out with, and it honestly doesn't take a lot to get me to crack a smile. I just want him to be someone that I can have fun with.
8) Above average intelligence
I need to be able to talk to the guy. I am not saying this to be full of myself because I do not consider myself to be a genius or anything, but I'm pretty sure I am of above average intelligence. I'm going to be dealing with some pretty intellectual stuff as a pastor and I hope that the guy that ends up being my significant other will be able to understand at least a little bit of what I do.
9) Age range: 25-40
This is probably the one that I'm the most flexible on, but I figure I should be at least someone close in age to him.
So, that's the list. If you know anyone that fits all of these qualification, please, please, please send him my way. If he needs to know about me, there is of course this blog and I like to think that I also fit the qualifications on my own list. It's out there now. God/universe/karma/social network, do your stuff!